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cepsluvr Profile
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Registered: 05-2006
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Security around the world


(Something to offend every nationality...)
 
 
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case."

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA." Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us."

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be al'right, mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Jan/11/2010, 6:41 pm Link to this post Send Email to cepsluvr   cepsluvr Send PM to cepsluvr
 
Vegas Guy Profile
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Registered: 04-2006
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Re: Security around the world


Very good cepsluvr & soooo true in many ways!!!

---
Manopolis
Jan/12/2010, 4:38 am Link to this post Send Email to Vegas Guy   Vegas Guy Send PM to Vegas Guy
 
Yampiboy Profile
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Registered: 09-2006
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Re: Security around the world


They all sum every one of us up so well, thankyou
Jan/13/2010, 7:48 am Link to this post Send Email to Yampiboy   Yampiboy Send PM to Yampiboy
 
Yonkers Profile
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Re: Security around the world


I agree with Yampi. That sounds about right for us.

Yonkers.
Jan/17/2010, 4:20 am Link to this post Send Email to Yonkers   Yonkers Send PM to Yonkers
 


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